there’s only one week for school left. ONLY ONE WEEK.

I’m not sure if I’m happy about it or not..I’ve been tired lately so vacation really could help but what the hell am I going to do without school?
I just sit at home without nothing special to do. Ofc I’ll see some friends and go visit my dad but..augh..Somehow I just need routines so my head won’t mess up I guess.
And there’s something I’m damn annoyed of; myself.

I promised myself that I won’t cut anymore (something like an year ago). And just two-three-four-not sure nights ago I did it again.
Just three little cuts in my leg but still. Why? I don’t even know.
It annoys me so fucking much. And I even don’t get to see therapists for a while I guess (my so-called treatment ended a while ago and I didn’t like the therapists).I haven’t actually told anyone about it but I guess someone reads this blog-thingy too.

I just hope that I can stop right here. I don’t want to cut like I did last year.
I feel a little anxious at the moment…

My friend is going to visit me tomorrow and second friend maybe too…that’s good, I think.

but,

there are some good things anyway. I think I can get better sooner or later, by myself or with help. 

ohgodIactuallydidwriteaboutthatcuttinghere

Just heard that one of my VERY few friends is going to move to Helsinki.
I mean, I can see her pretty easily cuz my dad lives there too but…yyyeah.I’m going to be pretty lonely I guess.

And my second friend (who sometimes is a total asshole tho) is moving far too.
I’m kinda happy about that but still kinda feel bad.
So then a friend who lives closest to me isn’t too far (something like half-an-hour travel) but I guess it’s a little tough to see friends on other days than weekends, because of school and shit.

so yeah…Kinda depressed feeling.I know, it happens, but still.
Only people who I see on weekdays are my classmates (at school) but outside…weeeeell…

Can’t help it.

Luckily there are mobile phones and stuff.

that fucking feeling when you’re trying to watch something like half an hour vid from youtube and it’s taking forever to load..? yyyyeah. :) fuck you, youtube and internet.

So I went to school today.Everything went pretty smoothly, even tho we had those damn eight-grade-people there and I had to talk to one group of them. I had a panic-attack but I fucking survived that.

I FUCKING SURVIVED.